Exploring the Unseen: Inside the Mind of Mental Illness

June 09, 2025 I live in Bara Gay, Quebiauan, San Fernando, Pampanga. Around here, some people are called “Apo.” I found out that “Apo” isn’t necessarily a grandmother, because in my place, there’s a man called Apo who is known for making hilot (traditional massage). He was also said to have performed miracles — like making a Sto. Niño statue dance when he holds it. They say there are many “Apos” around, including one in Angeles, where a church is even called “Apo.” My mom is often called “Apo” too, not because she has grandchildren, but because she looks like a grandmother and would always be sweeping the side when she was younger. But here’s where it gets complicated for me: I’m diagnosed with schizophrenia, and one of the voices I hear claims he is this “Apo.” This voice bothers me in my dreams, showing me visions where I kneel and beg for forgiveness for something I supposedly did. Sometimes, this voice laughs at me, saying cryptic things like “amu balamu ating mamawus saup,” and st...